Growth...?

"So I’m leaving. And I don’t see it as something to grasp onto, because I don’t need that anymore. It’s an endeavor. It’s growth," - a statement I wrote back in March that still rings true. I haven't felt like writing because of course I take pride in my blog posts and nothing was giving me the itch to write. Nothing I was doing felt interesting enough or lived up to how much my other blog posts meant to me. I moved away for the summer sure, but it wasn't exactly rainbows and butterflies from the jump. I immediately felt like I was floundering. I was unsure of myself and what I was doing, I was bored and I lacked patience. It wasn't until 6 weeks passed that I gave myself time to reflect and put something into writing.

Tramore Beach in June

Growth would be my word of the summer. Not because I've made tremendous self discoveries or forged a new life for myself, but simply because I've let myself adapt. In past experiences I would've gotten a small taste of how I was feeling when I first got here and ran for the hills. I wouldn't have forced myself to sit with the boredom, doubt, anxiety, etc that came along with my first few weeks here. Instead I reminded myself daily that if nothing else, this experience was a growth opportunity -- never mind the irreplaceable time with my gram living up the street.

I'd describe my first few weeks here similar to that first bite when jumping into the Irish sea. It was rocky, but I was determined as ever to ease myself in. Since I'm working part-time as an au pair, I needed another gig. I walked around Waterford City for two days straight handing my resume to anyone that would take it. Most places turned me away or said they'd "be in touch." This all sounds so minuscule, but it made me realize how much better I was at handling life after all I'd gone through the last year. I kept on my way and finally got a job at a busy pub in town. After enjoying working there the first few weeks I found myself texting my dad "Pure luck to have gotten a job here!!!!" during a night out with my coworkers. He texted me back "You make your own luck!" An affirmation that would stick with me.

job hunting...

Besides work, I found myself using this time to reflect on what makes me happy. I quite literally took inventory of all the things that make me enjoy life and tried to bring those into my new experience. To start, making friends. I missed my friends back home so much - my lifelines!!! I realized just how much meaning they added to my life on a daily basis. The idea wasn't replacement of any kind, but it was important to me to add even more meaning in this new stage of life. So I set out. I put myself out there, I found mutual connections, I reached out first, and went out by myself at times. And it was so worth the joy it brought me. I've made countless new friends this summer and that is something I'm so proud of. The place that I've viewed as my 'home away from home' for a long time really did become a home. I now have people to visit when I come back to Waterford in years to come. Not only am I tied to family here, I'm tied to what I made for myself. What I naively saw as 'pure luck,' I now recognize as growth due to my own effort.

One of my favorite parts of this whole experience so far is the fact that it was so much more uncomfortable than I thought it was going to be. I scrambled and got a second job for myself. I forced myself out and made new friends on a whim. I pushed myself through lonely days and tried as much as I could to just let myself be. I walked aimlessly around the city of Waterford and sipped coffee for longer than normal, just cause I had the extra time. I've had more boring days than I thought I would, and appreciated the fun times even more so because of that.

Now, with my last month or so here I look forward to who else I'll meet, what else I'll remember when I look back on this summer, and more than anything -- where I can find any little morsel of growth to take with me wherever I go next.

A delicacy of this Summer..